The worship of a mother
Such a beautiful lesson. It reminded me of the time when I reverted. SubhanAllah that sweetness like ustadha said there’s nothing like it! Even just thinking about it now I can’t describe the feeling. It’s just too beautiful. I remember I use to feel it all the time when putting on my niqab, when looking at the trees, in sujood. I was so eager to learn about Islam I use to even secretly read at work on my desk when I didn’t have any clients to see! That first time I prayed I felt a sense of nervousness to stand in front Allah! SubhanAllah I use to always feel this sweetness and even though I was going through a big trial as many of us reverts do when we first enter Islam, I wasn’t even distressed, I truly felt this strength and closeness to Allah. I had no fear of anyone.
But this class made me see how over time I’ve been deprived of this sweetness. I feel it here and there but not all the time like how I did at the beginning. May Allah forgive me.
And I know I lost it because I got too caught up in motherhood. Everything became a checklist just trying to get things done, no mindfulness of what I was doing, constantly focusing on the hardships of motherhood and feeling like I have “no time” for anything beneficial. I let my children divert me from the remembrance of Allah and felt like they were a hinderance in strengthening my relationship with Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala. But these last few classes have made me see how Allah has blessed us with motherhood. How He ta’ala has made it a means for us to draw closer to Him. Every time we comfort our crying child, help them with something difficult for them we will be rewarded, we will receive Allah’s aid, and every time we show mercy to them we will receive Allah’s mercy! Everytime we planned to do an act of worship but couldn’t do it because of our kids or husband we’ll have it written as if we completed it! SubhanAllah! How Allah has blessed us endlessly. Something I need to do more look at the bounties rather than focus on the hardships of my days.
And for a while I couldn’t keep up with the classes but I asked Allah to make it easy for me to seek knowledge and SubhanAllah He made a way for me and I’ve been able to keep up! Shaytaan can make us feel like we have no time and so we leave off working on our acts of worship. But there is time we just need to ask Allah to help us especially in this blessed month. Because what a huge loss it is if we remain the same at the end of Ramadan just as the state we entered it.
And I know in Ramadan we can feel like our families are burdens upon us hindering us from what we want to do. But Allah has given us many opportunities to earn reward and worship Him it just looks different. And this Ramadan we are indoors so kids behaviours may be challenging, our husbands are home all the time, some of us are also living with our in laws or extended families. Rather than dreading this let’s see it as a chance to work on our patience and reliance upon Allah. Let’s use this situation to increase in our worship especially of the heart. And it’s a time to reflect upon our sincerity the joy of Ramadan we use to feel was it because of the social aspect, seeing friends and family, the big dinner gatherings, praying taraweeh together etc? Will we be on our “best behaviour” now that nobody will be seeing us? Often we show our best manners to others but our immediate family are the ones who see the real us. Rather this Ramadan we make the effort to be our best with them, our husbands, children etc.
I made a list of goals I want to achieve this Ramadan and one of them is to feel this sweetness in my daily duties. Knowing I am worshiping Allah throughout the day by serving my husband and children. To remember this all the time. Because I feel this is one of the things that’s deprived me over time of feeling this sweetness. And the salah rather than just focusing on getting it done. Actually see it as a break from this life, from the kids.Okay you may have a child pulling your hijab, leaning on your head but what did the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam do? Prolonged the sujood! And that’s why as ustadha said we should try implement the sunnah as much as we can. And okay they may be making a mess but it’s okay we can clean it up, it’s only worldly things! SubhanAllah how shaytaan gets to us. This is something I fell short in I just became so focused on getting the fardh done. When really I should always be thinking what did the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam do and implement it, if I don’t know, look it up! Alhamdulillah knowledge is at our fingertips now a days. Allah has made it easy for us to learn it! Allahu Akbar.
